1.<\/strong> Date an older woman. 175. And, finally, this: Repeat.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The Life List: 175 Things A Man Should Do Before He Dies 1. Date an older woman. 2. Lose your virginity to an older woman. 3. Have your young and tender heart carved into bite-sized pieces, lightly salted, and chewed by an older woman. 4. Stand up to a bully. 5. Fly in a Learjet. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-509","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bucket-list"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p82n0m-8d","jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ronspencer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/509","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ronspencer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ronspencer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ronspencer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ronspencer.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=509"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/ronspencer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/509\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":511,"href":"https:\/\/ronspencer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/509\/revisions\/511"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ronspencer.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=509"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ronspencer.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=509"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ronspencer.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=509"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n2.<\/strong> Lose your virginity to an older woman.
\n3.<\/strong> Have your young and tender heart carved into bite-sized pieces, lightly salted, and chewed by an older woman.
\n4.<\/strong> Stand up to a bully.
\n5.<\/strong> Fly in a Learjet.
\n6. <\/strong>Jump out of a Cessna.
\n7.<\/strong> Talk to God.
\n8.<\/strong> Vote in anger.
\n9.<\/strong> Run for office.
\n10.<\/strong> Feel the recoil of a warm Kalashnikov.
\n11.<\/strong> Save a life.
\n12.<\/strong> Lend a hand, especially as concerns those hard-to-reach areas.
\n13.<\/strong> Shave a woman’s legs<\/a>.
\n14.<\/strong> Take a schvitz.
\n15.<\/strong> Go around the world<\/a>.
\n16.<\/strong> Watch scrambled porn.
\n17. <\/strong>Unplug your TV for a month.
\n18. <\/strong>Climb a mountain–not Everest–without the slightest urge to write a book about it.
\n19.<\/strong> Sail alone the ocean blue without the slightest urge to write a book about it.
\n20.<\/strong> Write a brief autobiography without the slightest urge to publish it.
\n21. <\/strong>Read the last book your wife read, unless it was by Maya Angelou. Discuss.
\n22. <\/strong>Read all the books on your “Books to read before I die” list.
\n23.<\/strong> Circumnavigate Corsica on a bright-red Ducati.
\n24. <\/strong>Learn a useless language: Dutch, say.
\n25.<\/strong> Have a hero.
\n26.<\/strong> Meet your hero.
\n27. <\/strong>Be a hero.
\n28. <\/strong>Gobble a meat-loaf sandwich at Graceland.
\n29.<\/strong> Ride a burro through the agave fields of Oaxaca.
\n30.<\/strong> Take a Greyhound from Portland, Oregon, to Portland, Maine–and if you think your ass hurts, imagine the suffering of the guy who’s driving.
\n31. <\/strong>Work for food.
\n32. <\/strong>Assemble a rock band. Be the lead singer. Pleasure the groupies.
\n33. <\/strong>Get booed (by the audience, not the groupies).
\n34.<\/strong> Trash a hotel room, maybe one that belongs to Ian Schrager.
\n35.<\/strong> Get fired, especially (but not limited to) when you’re getting fired because you want to get fired.
\n36.<\/strong> Quit a job, loudly and righteously and with great streams of triumphant profanity.
\n37.<\/strong> Build a valuable business. Sell it. Enjoy.
\n38.<\/strong> Buy one spectacular loser of a stock–and never, ever forget it.
\n39.<\/strong> Dye your hair.
\n40.<\/strong> Change your haircut. (Not to a mullet. Nor to a caesar.)
\n41.<\/strong> Shave your head.
\n42. <\/strong>Grow a long and flowing beard.
\n43. <\/strong>Live under an assumed name, someplace far away, like the Jordanian desert, which, incidentally, is not a bad place to have a long and flowing beard. 44. Audition for something.
\n45.<\/strong> Write a poem. A haiku will suffice. Here’s one to get you started: Doggy got the mange \/ Biscuits rise all by theirselves \/ In the valley: Woo!
\n46.<\/strong> Wear a little black dress in public. (Once. And only once.)
\n47. <\/strong>Pay for sex. (Once, and only once–and don’t bargain-shop.)
\n48.<\/strong> Get paid for sex.
\n49. <\/strong>Have sex in public.
\n50. <\/strong>Sew on a button.
\n51.<\/strong> Catch a fish<\/a>.
\n52.<\/strong> Read Moby Dick<\/a>.
\n53.<\/strong> Fast for a week.
\n54. <\/strong>Get yourself into the best shape of your life.
\n55.<\/strong> Get fat as a house, and feel no regrets.
\n56. <\/strong>Tend bar in Nashville.
\n57.<\/strong> Wait tables in Reno.
\n58. <\/strong>Drive a cab in Boston.
\n59. <\/strong>Spend a night in the Odessa, Texas, jail.
\n60.<\/strong> Settle down.
\n61. <\/strong>Take a vow of silence for a week.
\n62. <\/strong> Leave something behind<\/a>.
\n63.<\/strong> Bet everything on the trifecta at Sportsman’s Park.
\n64. <\/strong>Convene a game of Scrabble between yourself, Ivan Boesky, Stephen Hawking, and Prince. Call Prince “Prince.” (What’s he gonna do, slap you?)
\n65. <\/strong>Hit a home run.
\n66.<\/strong> Test-drive a car you can’t really afford; take up the salesman’s day with lots of questions; and, after a goodly amount of time, in class-action payback for all car buyers against all salesmen everywhere, say, “Thanks, but no thanks.”
\n67.<\/strong> Go up to the hottest woman at the party (the Laetitia Casta look-alike), not the third hottest (the Illeana Douglas look-alike ), the way you usually do.
\n68. <\/strong>Assist a blind man.
\n69.<\/strong> Look a mobster in the eye.
\n70.<\/strong> Cross a police line.
\n71.<\/strong> Learn the identity of Deep Throat and whether Oswald acted alone, and take these secrets to your grave.
\n72.<\/strong> Get married<\/a>.
\n73. <\/strong>Surf.
\n74. <\/strong>Buy a National guitar; learn to play it.
\n75. <\/strong>Let someone else take all the credit.
\n76.<\/strong> Get your due.
\n77. <\/strong>Blame a completely innocent bystander.
\n78.<\/strong> Take the rap.
\n79. <\/strong>Learn to sing.
\n80.<\/strong> Dance to Tito Puente.
\n81. <\/strong>Do a puzzle with a five-year-old.
\n82.<\/strong> Pay off your Visa.
\n83.<\/strong> Design a house.
\n84.<\/strong> Build the house.
\n85.<\/strong> Failing that, someday, stop renting and buy a house, say, a small wood-frame job in Asheville, North Carolina.
\n86.<\/strong> Take a year to live with the monks of Tibet.
\n87. <\/strong>Take a year to live with the girls of Voyeurdorm.com<\/a>.
\n88.<\/strong> Tell the truth when you’d be better off lying.
\n89.<\/strong> Avoid lying for one whole day.
\n90.<\/strong> Take a job that involves a shovel or a hammer.
\n91.<\/strong> Drive an 18-wheeler.
\n92.<\/strong> Replace the carburetor on a small-block straight six.
\n93. <\/strong>Surpass your father at his greatest skill.
\n94.<\/strong> Make love to a woman from a foreign country. And her friend. (Simultaneously, should the opportunity arise.)
\n95. <\/strong>Become a true connoisseur of just one thing, exotic lettuces, for example. This thing–enjoy it quietly, all by yourself.
\n96.<\/strong> Sell Women’s Shoes
\n97.<\/strong> Arm-wrestle a stranger in a bar. Win.
\n98.<\/strong> Deliver a eulogy (the later in life the better).
\n99.<\/strong> Sit courtside, ringside, on the fifty, or front-row center, and then, afterward, find yourself in the locker room, backstage, in the dressing room, or at the cast party.
\n100. <\/strong>Make a toast at a wedding–a short, funny, thoughtful toast.
\n101. <\/strong>Do a spit take. (Not during the wedding toast.)
\n102.<\/strong> Once, watch yourself on television, so that you know what you look like on television. Then stop.
\n103.<\/strong> Sleep<\/a><\/span> with someone you work with. In the boss’s office. Then stop.
\n104.<\/strong> Get an HIV test.
\n105.<\/strong> Change careers.
\n106. <\/strong>Change diapers.
\n107. <\/strong>Get in touch with a long-lost friend.
\n108.<\/strong> Call the person you think you’ve most wronged. Apologize.
\n109.<\/strong> Call Brown & Williamson (800-578-7453) just to hear the outgoing message, which contains this sentiment: “We’re a giant corporation, and you make us feel like a little kitten.”
\n110. <\/strong>Canoodle with an Icon
\n111.<\/strong> When appropriate, return a bottle to the sommelier. (But only when appropriate.)
\n112. <\/strong>Refuse to pay for a lousy meal.
\n113.<\/strong> Dine and dash at Brasserie Lipp. (It is owned by Frenchmen. They deserve it.)
\n114. <\/strong>Stiff a bad waiter.
\n115. <\/strong>Give a panhandler a hundred bucks.
\n116. <\/strong>Take a vacation without a camera.
\n117.<\/strong> Take a vacation without making reservations.
\n118. <\/strong>Take a vacation without a guidebook.
\n119. <\/strong>Let her drive.
\n120.<\/strong> Roast a pig.
\n121.<\/strong> Learn to play the accordion. (At your house, windows closed.)
\n122.<\/strong> Take a blond to the fights at the Garden.
\n123.<\/strong> Throw a punch.
\n124.<\/strong> Take a punch.
\n125.<\/strong> Break up a row.
\n126.<\/strong> Be the most charismatic man in the room. (Somewhere other than McSorley’s, where such a thing can be achieved most every day.)
\n127.<\/strong> Patent something.
\n128.<\/strong> In the hanging valleys of Glacier National Park, suck in great, greedy drafts of Montana air.
\n129.<\/strong> Sail, among the seals and orcas, through Alaska’s Prince William Sound from Valdez to Whittier before it’s too late.
\n130.<\/strong> See Aerosmith before it’s too late.
\n131.<\/strong> Call in to Firing Line<\/i> and argue William F. Buckley Jr. into a corner, the bastard.
\n132.<\/strong> Kiss your dad.
\n133.<\/strong> Have a suit custom-made.
\n134.<\/strong> Have shoes custom-made.
\n135. <\/strong>Failing that, at least buy a really nice suit and pair of shoes.
\n136.<\/strong> Make a million dollars<\/a>.
\n137. <\/strong>Pass down your favorite cuff links to your son.
\n138. <\/strong>Drink Bordeaux in Bordeaux, champagne in Champagne, and Champale from a paper bag on a park bench.
\n139.<\/strong> Fight a slash-and-burn fire in the Peruvian rain forest.
\n140. <\/strong>Hike the Grand Canyon.
\n141. <\/strong>Eat food you’ve grown.
\n142.<\/strong> Eat food your neighbor has grown, without his permission, at night, and let the juice dribble down your chin.
\n143. <\/strong>Eat psilocybin mushrooms.
\n144.<\/strong> Pass up an opportunity to attend the Burning Man festival.
\n145. <\/strong>Join a picket line.
\n146.<\/strong> Volunteer at a soup kitchen.
\n147.<\/strong> Write a sensuous letter to a prison inmate. (Use somebody else’s name. And return address.)
\n148. <\/strong>Swim beyond the breakers.
\n149.<\/strong> Free ball.
\n150. <\/strong>Cook chateaubriand for twenty.
\n151.<\/strong> Perfect the mixing of a killer cocktail. Make this your signature drink.
\n152.<\/strong> Kill something bigger than you. (Not that guy at work.)
\n153.<\/strong> Sign over a full paycheck to the Make-a-Wish Foundation.
\n154.<\/strong> Call an old girlfriend, the tough one you promised yourself you’d never speak to again.
\n155. <\/strong>Fake an orgasm.
\n156.<\/strong> Contribute to the production of a woman’s orgasm, repeatedly, and make this a higher priority than your own.
\n157.<\/strong> Repair a toaster.
\n158. <\/strong>Coach a team.
\n159.<\/strong> Break up with a woman without another in the wings.
\n160.<\/strong> Pick the music for your funeral.
\n161.<\/strong> Commit an act of civil disobedience.
\n162.<\/strong> Commit a prank.
\n163.<\/strong> Buy a hat.
\n164.<\/strong> Cheat death<\/a>.
\n165.<\/strong> When you get home from work and your kid wants to play ball, play ball.
\n166.<\/strong> Help a stranger.
\n167.<\/strong> Get a shave, in a barbershop, with hot lather.
\n168.<\/strong> Read a dirty magazine while getting a haircut in a barbershop.
\n169.<\/strong> Learn the names of birds, trees, flowers, insects, topographical features, and constellations. Impart this knowledge to children.
\n170. <\/strong>Entertain the possibility that there is, indeed, a heaven and a hell, and treat people accordingly.
\n171. <\/strong>If you’ve already treated people poorly, prepare for what’s coming to you.
\n172. <\/strong>Feel no pressure to do a long list of things before you kick just because you read it in a magazine.
\n173.<\/strong> Except this: One last time with your first girlfriend.
\n174. <\/strong>And this: Live large.<\/p>\n